Done Blogging

Well, I'm throwing in the towel.

I kept a blog for over a year, and that's pretty dang good.

I just started telling Kerri my dreams again

(and she has returned to not really listening).

I'll start again if we start having marital discord.

Can't sleep

Last night I couldn't fall asleep. We'll actually, I can't confirm that. But I'm pretty sure I couldn't fall asleep for a long time.

The confusion comes from the fact that I had a dream that I couldn't fall asleep. So finally about 4am, we were going to really go to sleep, but then the sun was starting to come up, and Kaci came into our room. So I was like, "Oh well, I guess I'll just have to go to work with no sleep."

And then I woke up, and I had to go to work without actually knowing how much sleep I did or didn't get.

Hmmmmm?

It's Kerri

When I was pregnant with Kaci I had some crazy dreams. Like when I dreamed I was running a triathlon and after the swimming portion they blew a whistle and said all the participants could stop and eat at a buffet and we'd finish the race later. I remember being so relieved I could take a break because I was starving!

Last night I had my first prego dream where I was prego in it. Everyone was playing baseball and I really wanted to join in. So, to make it safe for me, they made me the pitcher and gave me this big box that was padded to wear so if a ball hit me it wouldn't hurt the baby. Before I woke up I caught a fly ball and everyone was cheering.

I love prego dreams!

1st Grade

The other night I dreamed that I somehow got put into my body from when I was in first grade, but I didn't realize it.

So I show up ready to start my first job, and the principal sends me to the first grade classroom for instruction. I start trying to explain what's going on and everyone thinks that I'm just adorable.
Me: I'm not a first grader, I have a Master's Degree
Them: Oh, a master's degree! That's so cute!
So I'm like, "Give me some tests, I'll prove that I'm not a first grader."
They oblige me, but they just give me first grade tests and nothing harder. I ace all of the tests and they tell me, "You're very smart. We'll put you in the highest reading group."
I was getting so frustrated, so I finally threw down a challenge. "Ask me anything and I guarantee you that I'll know it." They came back with something like "Who was the emperor of Rome in 1328?"
Crap. They stumped me. "I dunno that one, but ask me anything else."
"Oh, you're so cute."
I finally just accepted my fate and went to play with the other first graders. I think it was the right choice given the situation.

Attack of the Moose

Well, in real life I have successfully relocated to Alaska- which is as cool as I hoped it would be, and driving along the Seward Highway looks almost identical to how Alaska always looked in my dreams (maybe it's because of the hours I've spent on the internet researching Alaska). I love it here, last night as I was biking just a little before sunset (11:00pm) I came across my first moose. She was just eating some branches off a tree in the park by my house. I thought it was cool and wished I had my camera with me. But I just kept biking through some pretty sweet trails and then when I came around a corner I almost ran straight into two young mooses (or meese? moosen? whatever). (the young moose I saw were bigger than the one pictured)
They scared the shapoopie out of me! I also know the number one thing about dealing with moosel is to never get betweeen a mama and her babies. I looked around and didn't see mama, so I carefully just backed up, turned my bike around and took off. All in all it was pretty cool.
However, in my dream last night, mama moose was back! She started charging me and I took off running toward a fence, she got to me right as I was climbing the fence and bucked me with her head. I went flying a good twenty feet in the air and landed with a giant thud. I'm glad that was just a dream.

Best Dessert Ever

Just after high school I moved to the north shore of Oahu, Hawaii to attend college in an awesome little place called La'ie. It's right by the ocean and the mountains and is home to the #1 paid tourist attraction in Hawaii, The Polynesian Culture Center.
To support myself I worked at the on campus ice-cream shop, which was probably the best job I've ever had in my life. One specialty that I've been craving recently (maybe because of the pregnancy) is the combination of an ICEE with vanilla soft serve ice-cream (IT'S AMAZING!).

Last night I dreamed that I went back to the ice-cream shop and I got one, and I was talking with my old boss about how good I think they are. He agreed with me whole heartedly, and even went so far as to say. "Yeah, Laie has a lot of great stuff, but to be honest, I'd have to say the real pride and joy of this town is that you can get an ICEE mixed with soft serve. That's really what keeps all the tourists coming here."
I was kind of surprised, but after taking another taste of my soft serve ICEE it all made so much sense that I had to agree with him.

Bad Bart and his Gang

Last night I dreamed about moving to Alaska again. It was beautiful and I was driving along the coast and the forest adn we finally got to our house. It was awesome, except for that it didn't have a kitchen and we were pretty bummed about that.
Then trouble hit when I walked outside and everybody started running away. I asked what was going on and a guy told me that Bad Bart and his gang were coming and I had better hide. Then this motorcycle gang came riding up the street wearing bandanas and demanded an offering. (A lot like El Guapo and his men in The Three Amigos).
I had my digital camera on me so offered that to them, but told them I was going to need some change. They got off and looked at it, and they were actually really polite. They sat and chatted with me and then gave me $100 for the camera. Then they thanked me and rode off. After they left I began organizing the townspeople to fight back and not let Bad Bart boss them around anymore. We were about to have the big showdown but then I woke up.

I'll tell you one thing, you better watch out Bad Bart, because Bad Brad is comin' to town!

Bike Wrecks / Weight Gain

So the other day I was riding my bike to school, and one minute I was sitting up riding, and the next minute BAM! I was lying on the ground. After I finally sat up I could still see my bike still just cruising down the street, and it even made a turn. My first thought naturally was "I've been robbed by an invisible bandit!"
But after I saw the bike fall I realized that there were no invisible bandits riding it. I soon discovered that my bike seat just fell right off. The stainless steel screw that was holding it on, had just snapped right in half. Since I was riding with no hands, it was just a clean fall with no interference, straight from my bike seat right to the ground. When I told Kerri, she just laughed and laughed, and patted my belly. Luckily, I was wearing my helmet (as all obese bikers should do regularly).

It reminded me of a few other biking incidents that I've had in the past. One being the time a bug flew in my mouth, but when I spit it out, I turned my head a little too forcefully and flipped my bike sideways. Really cool to watch, I bet it was especially cool from a distance.

Another time I tried to ride my bike around the island of Oahu, and my bike literally fell to pieces. First the pedals fell off leaving two little stubs that bore holes in my shoes, the brakes never worked, I think two of the gears worked...maybe. But I finally had to throw in the towel half way around the island when the seat fell off for good.

Anyhow... if anyone wants to pitch in to my "Buy Brad a really nice bike" fund, donations are being accepted.

Ka-BOOM!

Last week I started working for the U.S. Census Bureau. It's been great so far.
But last night I dreamed that I had a friend help me out with the job and he went to Dr. Leo Marvin's house.
I don't know what he did, but he messed with the gas and left it on... and the house blew up!

Shoot. I was so nervous the whole time because I can't let people help me with the census and I was sure that my life was over.

Biggest Waterslide Ever

Last night I went on the biggest waterslide in the world with my Dad and brother. We went to the top of a mountain, and someone had installed a waterslide from the top of the mountain to the bottom and then re-directed a river to power the waterslide. It was pretty cool. At the bottom of the 10 mile slide there was a 20 foot drop off into a pool of water.

My new life's ambition is to become head of the National Parks Service and then begin installing waterslides into the mountains.

It Happens

My dreams have just been crazy lately, so I figure I'd just continue on my "Things that happened during undergrad" theme.
This one is still kind of a touchy subject between me and my roommate.
One day I woke up late so I was rushing around to get ready for school. I will admit that I was acting a bit careless- and when I put my razor back on the shelf I accidentally knocked a toothbrush off. The toothbrush did like a triple bounce- off the top of the sink, to the top of the toilet, and landed... right in the toilet bowl.

I snatched it out and washed it off. But I wasn't sure whose toothbrush it was (there were five of us that lived in the house). No one was home and I had to go to class, so I just hid the toothbrush in my bedroom and went to school. My plan was to come home that night and discuss it. "Whose toothbrush is this? Sorry I knocked it in the toilet- Haha, I'll buy you a new one."
Well, long story short- I forgot. Totally forgot. Didn't even think about it for like a week. When I did remember I certainly didn't go about it the right way. It totally caught me off guard because what made me remember it was...
I saw my roommate using a toothbrush that looked exactly like the one that fell in the toilet. Yikes!
In shock I asked "Is that your toothbrush?"
Him: "You mean this one I'm brushing my teeth with?... Yeah. Why?"
Me: "Oh, no reason. I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." and I took off to go biking. Before I got out of the house though, he was on me.
Him: "Brad... what happened to my toothbrush?"
Me: "Umm... nothing. I really don't want to talk about it."
Him: "Tell me!"
Me: "Well... I kind of dropped it in the toilet."
Him: Surprisingly calm and forgiving. "That's sick dude."
Me: "Well, I kind of dropped it in the toilet...last week."
That's when he lost it. He's a pretty easy going fellow (He's the same one who drank my toenails) but I think that this is just about as angry as I've ever seen him.
However, I did apologize and offered to buy him another toothbrush.

What do you say? You can't hold onto a grudge forever. Let's just let by-gones be by-gones, eh?

Toe-nail juice - finally posted

During my first year of college, my roommate and I just shared everything. One day he had a can of these awesome drinks called Hawaiian Sun- They're a fruit juice that come in a can.

I had taken one from him, and I finished it off and sat it on the ground next to me. He decied to clean up the apartment and was just organizing things and putting stuff in the trash. I took the opportunity to clip my toenails- they had gotten kind of long and kind of dirty since I never ever wore shoes.
After I clipped one, I noticed that the can would be a handy container for my toenails, so I started putting them in there (so they would be easy to throw away). When I was just about done clipping my toenails, I went to put the last one in the can, but mysteriously the can was missing. I looked around for it just in time to see...
MY ROOMMATE THROW BACK THE LAST SWIG OF JUICE INTO HIS MOUTH!
(Feel free to groan here) He paused... felt some hard, sharp objects in his mouth... looked at me sitting on the floor with toe-nail clippers in my hand... thought for one more millisecond...
AND SPRAYED THE SODA AND TOE NAILS ALL OVER THE KITCHEN!

Oh man! I died laughing! I'm cracking up right now typing this! (And becoming slightly nauseous.)
Actually, I felt really bad. I still do. I'm sorry dude. But the look on his face when he realized what had happened was worth at least a million bucks.

Angel of darkness- true story

I was recently reading in Doctrine and Covenants, section 129 and I was reminded of an experience I had in undergrad. I might not have all the facts straight, because I was mostly asleep, but this is what was reported to me the next morning.

I was sleeping soundly, and my roommate was coming in to go to bed. Rather than turn on the lights and wake me up, he just stood in the doorway for a minute to let his eyes adjust.
I woke up and just saw a dark sillhouette in the doorway and became quite disturbed
Me: What! Who's there?!
Billy: It's just me dude.
Me: Me who?!
Billy: Your roommate Billy.
Me: Oh, How do I know you're not an angel of darkness?!
Billy: Cuz I'm not.
Me: NOOOO! NOOOO!
Billy: What? Do you want to shake my hand?
Me: Yeah, that would make me feel better.
Billy: Whatever. (Then he just went and laid down)
I, however, reached out my hand to shake his and was lying in bed waving it back and forth.
Me: (Very alarmed) I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING! YOU ARE AN ANGEL OF THE DEVIL!
Billy: (Lying down in his bed) Calm down dude. Just shake my foot.
Me: Oh, (I shake his foot) Oh, Okay, good night dude. Sleep well.
And then I fell right back asleep.

Feel free to make any corrections to the story Billy. I don't know if I sort of do remember it, or if I just imagine I remember it from hearing the story.

Flunking out of High School by verda

I woke up this morning so disgusted with myself.  Again I dreamed that I flunked math (because I never went to class)  and because I flunked I was short the required credits and I  didn't get to graduate.  I  hate, hate, hate this dream.  It reoccurs monthly.  Just to put the record straight, I did graduate from High School with Honors and with way too many credits.  I could of graduated as a Junior but my Father insisted that I continue as a Senior.  So why I keep having this dream, I do not know.  This time it was a bit different.  Two other girls were in the same boat as I and the teacher let them slide just because.  ARRRGH!!!! 

I also keep having the same dream that I arrive late to the cafeteria for lunch and all the food is gone!  I pout and wimper, but to no avail.  No lunch for me.  I go away with a rumbling in my tummy.  So very sad.  The rest of the school day is the pits because I am so hungry.  Maybe this is why I always take a zip lock bag with a treat everywhere I go, so I always have something to eat.

The Geo that could

Well, since this blog has become half about true stories that should have been dreams, I thought I'd tell one of my favorites.
When I was in high school a couple of my friends called me at like 8:00am and asked me to come pick them up at Ultimate Electronics (I'm still not sure why they were there so early, why they needed a ride, or why I decided to get up and go get them). But I just put on some jammies and hopped into my white 1992 Geo Metro (which we called the OREO) and headed down there.
I was half asleep and just trying to find a place to park, when suddenly I saw a monster truck (literally) coming towards me. Knowing that he could smash me and not notice, I quickly turned left. Just after I turned I could hear some clapping, some booing, some laughing - I wasn't quite sure what it was until I looked out my windows and saw... a crowd sitting on bleachers on both sides of me. I had apparently just driven right into the middle of a car show - and they had just announced the Monster Truck that I pulled in front of. Sweet.
Unsure of what to do, I just smiled and waved at everyone as I drove my Geo with confidence.
The best part is- when I came out I was very happy to find a blue ribbon on my window!
(Well, actually the blue ribbon part isn't entirely true, but the rest is- and I should have gotten a ribbon.)

Moving to Alaska

The other night I dreamed that I was moving to Alaska. It was crazy I had all my bags packed and I got on an airplane. When I flew there it was really cold and snowy and I didn't know anyone, I didn't have a car, and I didn't have a place to stay. Then I woke up.

I sure was thankful that was just a dream.

Nightmare- true story

So I'm lying on the floor of the living room, and Kaci is walking towards the table carrying a little bowl of applesauce. Kaci steps on my toe, trips, throws the bowl of applesauce, falls on her face and begins crying. The bowl of applesauce flies, hits the ground, and basically explodes... all over me. I'm talking applesauce all over my arm, all over my face, all over my forehead, IN MY EAR! Gross. Kaci's crying. I can't even help her cuz I'm the applesauce monster and Kerri couldn't really help her either because she was laughing so hard. I think we need to get a nanny.

Space Travel

Last night I had another dream that was cool enough that I jotted down a few notes about it at 2:00am. The note reads "Space ship, relativity, oxygen, gravity, Homer Simpson, Indian Workers, Mr. Pibb, Greasy Chicken"
And here's what I remember:
I was returning to Earth on a space ship that was going about half the speed of light. We were all having fun until we realized that on Earth, it would have been a couple of hundred years since we left on the space ship, so we didn't even know if the United States would still exist or if anyone would be expecting our return. Our situation was further complicated by the fact that we were running out of oxygen (and for some reason we were also worried that there wouldn't be any natural oxygen left on Earth).
Amidst all of this gloom and doom, one of the passengers of the spaceship (Jason from my hometown neighborhood) decided that we needed to make the most our remaining time, and that we should take advantage of the fact that we were still in zero gravity so he began doing Homer Simpson spins around the spaceship. Kind of like this:

That almost convinced me that I wasn't dreaming, because I'm pretty sure that if I ever do end up in zero gravity with Jason, that will be the first thing that he does.
Any how, as we got closer to Earth we noticed that our speed was increasing dramatically and we were approaching the speed of light, then all of the sudden we stopped and were in zero gravity again, until we slowly floated down to the bottom of the ship.
We stepped outside to find that in the last 300 years technology had advanced and that the space station had actually sucked us down faster as we got closer to Earth, and then they activated some type of force field to make our landing have zero impact. Pretty sweet.
After we got out of our space ship we found that most of the people were there were from India and we couldn't really understand them. Except for the people working at the concession stand. We were so excited to see some good food. I remember telling them "Hook me up with some greasy chicken! You have no idea how bad the crap we had to eat on the Space ship was."
All in all, it gives me great hope for the future of humanity.

Another True Story

So this actually happened to me yesterday, but Kerri told me that it seemed more like a dream than reality.

So on my way home from school I took the long way and went biking on the trails through the forest near my home. I was cruising along the trail until I came to a point where some trees and bushes had been pulled across the trail. I was a little confused.
Then as I got closer I spotted two guys decked out in camouflage hiding in the bushes with rifles.
They clearly had seen me. So I stopped in my tracks and asked them "Umm... should I be concerned? Do I need to be careful?"
Then as I looked around I noticed that I was surrounded by soldiers in camouflage with rifles hiding all around me in the trees. It was a little disconcerting.
The guys hiding the bushes whispered to me "No. It's all right. We're just doing some training. But you probably want to turn your bike around and go back the way you came."
Me: "Umm.... Okay. That sounds like a good idea." The guys also reassured me "Don't worry, these aren't real weapons."
Even still, I heeded their directions and went back the way that I had come. However, I wish I had just hid out in the bushes where I could see the battle commence. Because about five minutes later when I was out of eye-sight I heard it all happen. I great cry that sounded like a hundred guys yelling, and it really was kind of scary sounding, but then I heard all the firing. I started to laugh my head off because the firing was really just guys yelling. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Seriously...
BANG! BANG! BANG!
I'm not making fun... because I wouldn't do that. But everytime I think about it, it just makes me smile.

Laie Falls Treasure

Just behind the campus of BYU-Hawaii is a trail called "Laie Falls" which leads up to some pretty cool waterfalls. I spent many an hour up there exploring the maze of trails that goes all around those hills. And last night I made an excellent discovery up in those hills. It was amazing. So amazing that when I woke up from the dream at 2:00am, I jotted down a few notes to remind me of it. The note reads as follows:
Gold up laie falls
Caves
Golden Statue
Maps
Generals gone to prison
Practicum
Tommy
Kids
Chocolate
Kids- Hit 'em
Music Medley
This is the Christ +
Part of your world.

And this is how I remember the dream happening!
So I'm hiking up Laie Falls and I find some caves that I go into. Inside the caves I find this little golded statue that's about two inches tall

So I take it with me and go to the library. There I find an old man who tells me about all the gold that is hidden up in those caves, with the statue being the key to get in. He happens to have a map that leads to both of those caves which he shares with me. He also warns me that there are two generals who want to try and get the gold, and that they were just released from prison and are heading this way, so I need to go fast.
Me and Kerri and my old roommate are about to head up there, but it's getting dark and we don't have any flashlights so we decide to just wait until morning. Unfortunately when morning came I had to go to practicum at the city schools I'm working at. But when I show up for practicum my superviser is like "Look, I know about the treasure, you can have the morning off to go get it, but you need to be back by one o'clock for some testing okay?" I'm like "Sweet!" and I grab my statue and am leaving the school when a bunch of kids swarm around me and try to get my golden statue from me. So I hold it up above their heads and escape.
I go outside and find another friend from BYU-Hawaii (Tommy) and tell him about the treasure, but he couldn't go with me because he had to study for a test. Just then a kid ran up with my golden statue and was like "Ha-ha! I stole this from you!" and he took a bite out of it! When he took a bite it turned into milk chocolate.
I snatched it back from him, and I was ticked off. I was so mad. I was like "I'm gonna kill him!" and I started to go for him, but Tommy held me back or I really would have punched him in the face!
I was so mad, that I decided to take a bite of the statue to calm myself down and I find that it really is great chocolate. Just then I notice a group of people standing outside doing a musical performance. It was a music medley of "This is the Christ" from the movie the Testaments and "Part of your world" from the Little Mermaid.

And that's when I woke up. Man, that was a trip! I'll split the gold with anyone who can give me a correct interpretation of this dream.